On our class message board there is a thread on marriage that is pretty interesting. I have found it to be interesting because of a few conversations I have had with friends recently and a few observations I have made.
One of the conversations I had was with a single friend of mine who is 29 years old. The topic was how it seems like every girl in Oklahoma who is 20 years old or older is either married, engaged, or divorced. The larger point of the conversation was how shallow the dating pool is in OKC among young professionals, especially in the 25-32 age range.
So the question is why? I think the obvious explanation is the old school way in which the state of Oklahoma still operates. Like it or not the majority of the state is made up of small towns and small town values. Getting married at a young age is what peoples parents did and they just see it as the thing to do. The same thing applies with having children. I just can't seem to understand any of this!! What is the rush? Why are people in such a hurry? As you can tell this post has many questions and few answers.
So my next question is this (and this may step on some toes)....does the young age at which Oklahomans are getting married have anything to do with our divorce rate, poverty level, and the education level of our citizens?
Lets think about it. Young people are getting married and taking on major life decisions before they are firmly established in their careers. This means they are going from providing for one to providing for two or more people on relatively low incomes. This can cause financial instability, which brings on stress, which makes people irritable, which puts strain on a relationship. This could help explain why so many people list financial problems as the reason for divorce. Couldn't this be avoided by taking a step back and looking at the big picture? Perhaps (and I think this is true) some have different priorities than myself and aren't worried about establishing themselves before taking on a wife and kids. I think statistics prove that they are more likely to have their relationship fail, but sometimes you learn things the hard way.
And what about education levels. Could fewer Oklahomans have post-graduate degrees because they are firmly entrenched in relationships at a young age? Relationships that have produced children and that force grad school candidates to put off school in favor of trying to earn more money in order to put food on the table? I think so. Biting the bullet and being poor for 2-4 more years to finish a graduate school degree is easier to do when you are single, but the financial gains down the road and the quality of life betterment is potentially much greater.
My thoughts on this are a little jumbled and might not be clear, but I think it is quite interesting. I have a sister in NYC (and another one on her way there) who just doesn't understand what I am talking about. She will be 26 next week and this problem just doesn't exist there. People are more career establishment first, family second. I think they really set out to enjoy life more as well. Of course I have no data on this and it is only one mans opinion.
I've been doing some research and I'm looking to move out of Oklahoma this summer. I have lived in Oklahoma almost my entire life, but I think other places have more to offer someone my age who is single.
4 comments:
No question about it. The age,more importantly the maturity, makes a difference. When they are young and in "love" they can't imagine anything getting in the way. Unfortunately, life gets in the way. My wife and I were married at 21 and have been married for 32 years. It was hard and we both had professional degrees. Can't imagine someone straight out of high school making it work.
Dude, you know where you need to go? The City of Angles... Think about it. No wait, that idea sucks. Nothing to do there but go bowling. Seriously though, I think you are on to something. There aren't alot of single chicks out there our age. I am married, so, sorry. I guess I took one out of the pool for you. But, I have a few suggestions for you though. First and foremost, older chicks. 30-45. Thats where you want to be dude. Second, Chi-town. I have a buddy who move there and said the town is actually overrun with jobs, girls, beer, and fun. Plus, if you move there, I get a free hotel. Alright...
I agree with part of your theory. First, I believe you are right on target about the age thing. I think it has more to do with lack of maturity, I have seen people in their late 20s to early 30s that shouldn't have gotten married because they weren't ready. I believe that a lot of the young people think that marriage is like the honeymoon. All lovey-dovey and when the real world hits (money, job, school, kids) they don't know how to handle it. A good friend once told me that not only do you love your spouse but you must be able to like your spouse.
Secondly, as for finding someone in Oklahoma. My wife & I met in the office (both 24 at the time) here in Oklahoma and we will be celebrating 20 years of marriage this year.
Advice: Look for a friend of the opposite sex first, the marriage thing will work its way out at the right time.
Ahhh it's so true! It's so nice to hear it from a guy though. I'm 25 and all of my friend are married (and most with kids) except one. It's a little discouraging. You think, wow, am I really behind here or something? Then you look a little closer and think no, I'm getting a degree so that I can get a better job and support my family confidentally, rather than struggling everyday.
I find it equally hard to find single guys. Well let me re-phrase that, single guys that have a decent job or are on track to getting a decent job. My friends all think I'm too picky and possibly I am. I just want a guy that has dreams and goals and the ability to one day support a family. In Oklahoma, that's easier said than done. It seems like some people settle, just so that they can say they've gotten married...hardly the way I want to attain a relationship. Great post!
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